I think I died a long time ago.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
