I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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