Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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