well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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