dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
