Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
