i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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