I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
