I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I deserve this hangover.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
