I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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