3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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