After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize