The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
