When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
