I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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