The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
