my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
