I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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