i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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