i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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