There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
