Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
