i wish my penis had a tongue
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
