put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
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I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
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I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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