I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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