he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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