everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
