Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
