in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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