When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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