I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
