last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
