thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize