just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
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You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
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Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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