I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
