from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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