so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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