I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize