if i can run in heels then i can drive
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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