well most of my day revolves around power hour
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
