the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
