its not stalking. its research.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
