what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
