I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
