So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
