can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
