Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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