Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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