It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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