the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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