I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
