He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
