dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Found the puke drawer
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
