my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
