My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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