You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
