he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
