they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
