i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
