the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
